Film Review: Splice (2009)

SYNOPSIS:

Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism. Named “Dren”, the creature rapidly develops from a deformed female infant into a beautiful but dangerous winged human-chimera, who forges a bond with both of her creators – only to have that bond turn deadly.

REVIEW:

Director Vincenzo Natali’s (Cube) new Sci-Fi/Horror opus “Splice” opens today & although the Saint has already seen it about a month ago (I have some dark connections people), I saved my review for today cuz’ I know you guys were waiting for it….

The film stars Adrian Brody (Fuck his Oscar..Dig that nose)!! & Sarah “Dawn Of The Dead” Polley as two scientists who also happen to be lovers who also happen to be named Elsa & Clive. If I gotta explain that to you creeps then stop reading this now! Did I mention they are genetic scientists? Sorry about that… They have completed what some thought was impossible, Created life.

A new kind of life mind you but life nevertheless. What they have created are 2 sentient “Blobs” of protoplasm that they name “Fred” & “Ginger” (I’m not explaining that one either people)! They are both very “Cronenbergian” in their look. Remember the giant maggot from the nightmare sequence in Cronenberg’s “The Fly”? Well then you have an idea of how they look. When they are introduced to each other, a sort of “Getting to know you” ritual takes place & it actually is quite beautiful to witness. At least as beautiful as these ugly suckers can get. But Clive & Elsa have convinced their corporate backers that they have made a breakthrough & are ready to display the creatures to interested investors…

I’m not going to spoil what happens at the big unveiling (The Saint believes that those who like to post “spoilers” in their reviews should be left with him for 15 delicious minutes of torture to shut em’ up) but I believe it’s safe to say it doesn’t go well for either duo. At this point in this review I should point out that I was not blown away by what was happening on screen but I was interested in what Natali’s next move would be & to me that is the mark of a good movie. Are you curious about what’s next? Great! That’s what movies of this genre should try to adhere to…Keep their audiences curious about what’s around the next corner.

Well, Suffice it to say that once we turn that corner Elsa decides that since the experiment is pretty much over, why can’t she try one last quick idea before the corporation closes down their shop? She injects human DNA into one of the extra eggs they had created but not fertilized yet. Clive is aghast at her actions but is reassured by Elsa that it will probably die immediately. Unfortunately like the Saint always says “You can’t trust a woman” cuz’ that little fertilized bitch not only doesn’t die but grows at an incredible rate. In a couple of days they find themselves with a full sized “Eggsack” that’s ready to hatch. And what comes out when it does? The Saint would call what I’m about to write a “Spoiler” but it’s been in all of the commercials already. What they get is a sort of combination of a Lizard, Frog, Bird, but most importantly..human creature.

I’m not going to say much more about the plot except to mention a few salient points. There are two “WTF” scenes in the movie that had the audience groaning in disgust & laughing at the same time, You’ll know what they are when they come up. The movie is not especially gory either but when it decides to ratchet up the blood quotient it does so nicely. And to be “frank” (betcha’ don’t get that one either huh?) I didn’t like the ending too much. I figured it out about halfway through as should any fan of this type of movie.

All that being said though, “Splice” is a really atmospheric sci-fi spookshow. There are those of you who saw the trailer & said “It’s Species”. I did as well, But although there are similarities this ain’t like no kind of “Species” you’ve ever seen believe that! “Splice” is far more intelligent & has something to say about how far man should go when he feels like playing God. I’m not preachin’ to y’all but God is God for a reason.

Vincenzo Natali, Antoinette Terry Bryant & Doug Taylor’s screenplay from a story by Natali & Bryant is never boring. As I said earlier you think you’ve seen it before but that next corner is coming & you don’t know what’s waiting there….. All of the actors are great in their roles. Sarah Polley even got her teeth fixed for this one. That disappointed me a bit. I thought her fangs were sexy….And as fine an actor as Adrien Brody is & as great as he is in this movie, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his f*cking nose for more that 3 seconds at a time. The f*cking thing is so big & his nostrils so wide…the movie could’ve been about his nose is what I’m getting at. OK? Special shout out must go to one Delphine Chaneac as “Dren”, the name the creature is given. She must be a magnificent lookin’ woman on her own cuz’ she ain’t all that bad lookin’ in the movie. The practical & CGI effects are seamlessly woven together to give her performance believability & it is a believable performance. She shines brightly all the way through the movie. I might be in love…lust anyway.

All in all you should all go see this movie, especially this opening weekend. Give it a big opening so Hollywood can give us more intelligent scares every once in a while. It would be a shame to have this movie get steamrolled by “Bigger” flicks this weekend (“Marmaduke”, I ain’t talking bout’ you). As a matter of fact now that I’ve had some time to dwell on it a little more, Maybe it’s not just a sci-fi/horror movie. Maybe you could say it’s about parenthood as well…..

Splice (2009)

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About The Black Saint

Those of you who don't know of The Black Saint & have yet to commit yourselves to him body, mind & soul will find yourselves in a most uncomfortable position when my army of acolytes is complete & ready to wreak havok upon this pitiful blue ball we live on. Oh, I really like horror movies as well & will take on all comers in a horror trivia contest. Bring it on!
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