Greetings to all of you foul smelling, ooze covered readers! The Black Saint is back once again this week with tidbits of Horror News for all of you (Those of you that can read) to peruse & fantasize about. I as always will try my damnest to keep tou all up to date with news that you have not heard anywhere else.
And after you’re finished reading my missive you can continue to romp about Horrornews.net because this is the place to be for creeps like you. Here you are one of us & we want you to remain one of us for as long as possible. A rare breed we are indeed..People who love Horror & will shout it off the highest rooftops for all to hear! I am here only to serve you the latest in Horror news & that is something I do with extreme relish. Here we go, don’t be frightened…I like it here in the dark…
Unconventional films is completing discussions with Paramount pictures & others on a feature length version of their highly successful horror web series. An official announcement will be made at comicon at Icon’s Saturday, July 24th event. The Saint is excited over this news but I ambeginning to get the sneaking suspicion that the whole Zombie thing is getting passe’ don’t you think? I will always watch a Zombie movie good or bad but somebody needs to put a new spin on one of them eventually. “Survival Of The Dead” proved that even the maestro of the living dead movies has run out of ideas. Time will tell.
“Hudson Horror Show”
Hudson Horror Show Inc, in association with Grindhouse Releasing is presenting a Horror show of awesome proportions for those in the Poughkeepsie, NY area on May 22nd. A screening of some of the greatest Horror movies of all time!
The screening is celebrating Grindhouse’s new theatrical re-release of Sam Raimi’s original “Evil Dead” & the 30th anniversary of Lucio Fulci’s seminal zombie opus “Zombie” In addition the incredibly sleazy slasher “Pieces” is going to be screened as well. All of them on the big screen in 35mm prints! Hudson Horror show is also proud to be showing “Night Of the Living Dead: Reanimated”!
If you haven’t heard, Various animators & artisits have gotten together & created new visuals to accompany the existing soundtrack of the 1968 opus. This is a risky new take on an existing masterpiece & The Saint approves of what is being attempted here. It could be a catastrophe but it could be just what the Zombie genre needs to give it a little more “Flavor”….
There will also be a showcase of Horror shorts from upcoming directors filled with as many shocks, Laughs & gore that can be packed into an 8 minute running time. There are sure to be some new, dangerous visions on display here. This is something that can’t be missed if you live in the area. Tix are $26.00 & be sure to enter 666 under “Enter In Gift Certificate, reward or discount for a free gift with your ticket order. For tickets go to www.hudsonhorror.com
The english language site for the Nikkatsu Corp. newly created genre arm, Sushi Typhoon is now up & running. “Ninja Vs. Alien” (More on that later) & “Mutant Girls squad” are two of the anticipated horror/gore creations heading our way from some of the top names (Nishimura, Sono & Miike)!! in Japanese movie making! The Sushi Typhoon is the brainchild of beteran producer Yoshinori Chiba & he seeks to satisfy audiences for whom too much is never enough. The Sushi Typhoon’s first wave of films will be released in late 2010 & early 2011 & The saint has seen some of what they are going to offer & bekieve me when I say The arterial sprays are plentiful in all of these flicks! If you want to look at tentacled asian women & blood by the bucketfull go over to the sushi typhoon official site at sushi-typhoon.com & be amazed…which leads me to…
“Alien Vs. Ninja”
The Black Saint was (Un)lucky enough to catch a sneak preview of this film & if you like the idea of Ninjas taking on some slimy aliens then you’re in for a rollicking good time. The film is basically Ninjas vs. Predators & the Aliens themselves have a strong resemblance to Ridley Scott’s “Alien” as well. They are here of course to take over the world one ninja at a time & do this by inseminating their victims with tiny little aliens that look like gummi bears that climb thru holes in the Aliens head & dig up into any orifice they can find. Yes, you read that correctly.
The aliens are not cgi creations but rather practical “Man in a monster suit” creations that Asian filmmakers are so good at. The suits are effective but far too similar to Scott’s “Alien”. Anyway they are faster than the Ninjas, stronger than them & a hell of a lot bigger than them as well as a bit horny for the one female ninja of the group. The battle scenes are fun & bloody and the gore effects are adequate although I would’ve liked to see some more of them myself. You never can have too much blood I always say…
Although the ending of the film was rather predictable to me I still enjoyed the film immensely for what it was..A good gory romp with characters you usually don’t see fighting creatures from anoter planet. And it has a good goofy sense of humor to go along with it (Wait until you see how the baby aliens are removed from their hosts)! You will laugh out loud for sure. It’s one to look out for people.
Tobe Hooper’s “White Zombie”
Apparently Mr. Hooper has been hard at work getting a remake of “White Zombie”. A feature film starring Bela Lugosi that the Saint remembers seeing when I was 2 hundred…..Never mind my age fools. Apparently even though the film is clearly public domain there were some issues with uncredited source material that made the planned remake impossible to do. It’s too bad because according to Hooper & screenwriter Jared Rivet the sex/violence quotient was really going to be amped up. Hopefully this situatiom will clear itself up soon because I think Tobe is too good a director to be working on direct to video films & tv that he has been relegated to as of late.
Fangoria Chainsaw award winners.
As we all know every year the venerated “Fangoria” magazine doles out it’s “Chainsaw” awards as selected by readers of the magazine. The winners are in & they are: Best Wide release film – “Drag Me To Hell”.
The Saint enjoyed it but would have went with “The Road”. A seriously slice your wrist downer of a movie. Best limited release/direct to video film – “Trick Or Treat”. Ok I guess but I would have went with “Rec”. And have you seen “Rec 2″ as you were ordered to? You better. And be ready when you do. It’s a seriously frightening movie. Best Actor – Jesse Eisenberg (Zombieland). I say Woody Harrelson for the same film.
Best Actress – Morjana Alaoui (Martyrs) Can’t argue with this one. It’s a brave performance indeed. Best Supporting Actor – Dylan Baker (Trick Or Treat) He was good but my vote went to Tom Noonan (House Of The Devil). He just oozed creepiness in that one. Best supporting Actress – Lorna Raver (Drag Me To Hell). No argument here. She killed in that movie both literally & figuratively. Other winners were Pascal Laugier for best screenplay (Martyrs).
Christopher Young for best score (Drag Me To hell) & in a surprise (To me anyway Justin Raleigh & Ozzy Alvarez for best makeup effects (Splinter). I saw this oe & it was a good movie but I really believe that Benoit Lestang should have won for ‘Martyrs” because they were believable effects.
When I say “Believeable” I mean that they looked real. I mean really real. “Splinter” is a good movie but the effects basically boiled down to just that…Splinters. Granted they were evil little f*ckers but they were just…Splinters. Oh well, To each his own. Congratulations to all of the winners from The Black Saint.
By the way the winner of worst film went to “Friday The 13th”. HAH!! I hated it just as much as everyone else did, maybe more but I would have given it to “The Box”. I mean really..what the f*ck were they smoking while they were making tha f*cking travesty? If you know tell me please because I wanna bug out ike they did while filming that piece of cinematic sh*t.
Universal removes Shymalan’s name from “Devil”
Apparently the bad reviews for “The Last Airbender” (Which I kinda liked by the way) has prompted Universal to remove M. Night Shymalan’s name from “The Night Chronicles: Devil to simply “Devil”. The critical lambasting Night has been taking for the last few films he has done seem to have finally done him in. And since he didn’t direct this one I guess they figured taking his name off of it would give it a much better chance at the box office. Poor M. I think he started to believe the hype surrounding him after his first few films & thought he was bulletproof. Note to M: Nobody is bulletproof in Horrorwood…nobody.
Paul Giamatti swears that “Bubba Nosferatu” will happen.
Mr. Giamatti has been quoted by MTV News that the film will happen with Ron Perlman possibly playing Elvis & Giamatti as Colonel Tom Parker. “Bubba Ho-Tep” is a big fave of the Saint’s & he hopes Giamatti knows what he’s talking about because I’m a fan of his as well.
Man The Saint wishes he could get over to Montreal to see some of the movies playing this year. Apparently the biggie playing there right now is Pang Ho-cheung’s “Dream Home”. it tells the story of a young woman (Josie Ho) who goes to extreme measures when she realizes she cannot afford her dream home. The gore in this one is supposed to be INCREDIBLE!!! I must see it & I will. I get what I want. Sometimes that’s backfired on me though…..
“GrindHouse” on Blu-Ray
According to Edgar wright The Blu-Ray edition of “Grindhouse” is in the works & he will be adding commentary to his faux trailer for “Don’t”. I cannot wait for this to arrive in Blu-Ray the way it was presented in theatres, not the f*cked up way the Weinstein brothers released it. Fucking Fags double dipping the fans that keep them afloat. The Saint would do such horrible things to them if he got the opportunity….
Opening this weekend is Nimrod Antel’s “Predators” which looks like it might be ok. But Adrian Brody is starring in it and as I’ve said before when he’s on the screen I can’t see anything but his nose. Dammit! I gotta get over that. “Despicable Me” another 3D cartoon that I am seeing at a private screening thursday night with the little Saint by my side & in limited release “Rec 2”. As I’ve said before it is available on VOD & costs about $7.00 in that format. Please don’t make me hunt you down & force you to see it. Just see it. You WILL NOT be disappointed. Trust me on this one. It’s the scariest thing I’ve seen so far this year & The Saint does not scare easily.
One last request for those who are following my column. I would love (hate) to hear some feedback from you as to what I’m doing & what you agree or disagree with in regards to my opinions. Not that it matters, I’m The Black Saint & I’m never wrong (Except about that girl I met a few years ago who turned out to have something….extra. Luckily The Saint found out before it was too late. I still unleashed the hounds of hell on her/him/it). But I will suffer your comments & maybe even respond to them if they have a whiff of intelligence to them.
So until next time cretins, eat your vegetables, listen to your parents, go see “Rec 2” & most importantly…Pray. PRAY TO ME!!!