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Special Edition ‘Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale’ Review

Heya Freaks and Minx!

With today  (Dec 3, 2010) being the theatrical release date for RARE EXPORTS, I wanted to give you guys a heads up about this film! You guys know it takes an act of 17 saints and a couple Russian monkeys to get me to review a film, so pay attention to the point that I am talking about this one. I think you guys may benefit from my advice below ;)


Official Synopsis:

It was the week before Christmas when young and adventurous Pietari uncovers the truth about Santa Claus. Legend has it that the jolly old man is more of a foe than a friend. A group of American scientists is also looking to uncover some facts in Pietari’s quiet rural town in northern Finland. It turns out that the most well-kept Christmas secret ever lies 500 meters below ground. This dark secret and Pietari unleash an unforeseen chain of events, after which, Christmas will never, ever, be the same again.

Starring: Per Christian Ellefsen, Peeter Jakobi, Tommi Korpela, Jorma Tommila, Jonathan Hutchings, Onni Tommila, Risto Salmi, and Rauno Juvonen

Directed By: Jalmari Helander


What is Santa wasn’t  a fictional character to entice children to be on their best behaviors during the year or a jolly old man who’s sole purpose in life is to give gifts to those boys and girls who have made the “Good” list? And what if his elves weren’t the harmonic tiny people with pointed ears and curly shoes but ravenous helpers hell bent on making the naughty pay? Sounds like a better version of the old tale for adults, doesn’t it? Well, allow me to introduce RARE EXPORTS: A CHRISTMAS TALE, the perfect holiday film for those who are sick of the bubble gum version of Santa.

Going into the film I wasn’t sure as to what to expect. I couldn’t help but to doubt what a foreign film about Santa Claus could honestly do for me as we are talking about a chick who watches SCROOGED, THE GRINCH, and A CHRISTMAS STORY during this season like the Lord himself commands it. So I timidly popped it into the player and sat back with a crease in my brow. It didn’t take long for my forehead to smooth out after the film started to play. As the story started to unfold, I was pretty drawn to the plot and characters in no time and finding the thought of “Thank Jebus this isn’t a corny story like it very well could have been”. Then, I was enticed. You mean the elves aren’t little pricks in curly shoes, running around with toys and candy canes, building horses and painting doll eyes?! Hell no! The were some hardcore bad ass mofo’s hell bent on making the naughty pay! Now THIS is a story I can get into! As the rest of the film progressed, I was very happy with the decision to sit down and watch the film. This is the new classic holiday film for horror fans!

If you are expecting gore, headless reindeer, murderous sprites, well….this isn’t the film you are expecting. But what I liked about it was that it gives you a completely different outlook on the same old, worn out, played again horror/thriller Christmas tale. How many times have we seen the killer Santa, the killer pretend Santa, the escaped convict killer in a Santa hat? Can you count them all? This is a completely different idea in that although Santa is a bastard, he’s not the one doing the dirty work. And the way his “helpers” are portrayed, it makes so much more sense and gives the whole ideal a refreshing and interesting breath of life. ANd even better, you can actually watch this anytime of the year and not feel like a dork for watching a seasonal movie in July. It IS awesome for the Christmas season but can also be a fun film for anytime of the year. It has the pull and presence to be interesting no matter when you watch it (But I can honestly say this is a film I am adding to my Yule Time Line-up.)

Can kids watch this film? I see absolutely no reason why not. There isn’t anything hardcore enough in my book that would make your apple cheeked youngin’ cry themselves to sleep at night or lose faith in the jolly man in the bright red suit. If you are anything like me, you can use it as more leverage so when the lil’ tikes get out of line, you can threaten to get Santa’s Helpers on them ;) Seriously, this is a film that you don’t have to turn off because little Johnny walks into the room. If your kid is into subtitles, and you are as liberal in this arena as I am enough to let them watch it, they would probably enjoy it as well.

Beautifully shot, skillfully performed, and excitingly told, this story is a great addition, if not replacement, for an awesome holiday horror film.



All images courtesy of www.RareExportsMovie.com CHECK OUT THE SITE!!


  1. Really liked this movie. Very entertaining, spooky but not scary, a nice even tone. Also, really provides a nice arc with the child and the realizations and changes that are required in growing up (how one responds when their myths are destroyed – or one’s myths are not simply benign but evil).

  2. The Black Saint

    I loved it as much as you did Dai. It’s a very entertaining film that I hope people get up & see. It opens today here in NY & unfortunately there were no reviews for it in the local papers today. We gotta get the word out on this one!


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