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Film Review: Breeding Farm (2013)

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SYNOPSIS:

After a night of partying, four friends are kidnapped by a mysterious man. The friends wake up in a basement, and realize they are part of something horrifying. A human breeding farm. They are to be milked, bred, and much, much worse.

REVIEW: 

With so many films being released each year, it’s becoming more and more difficult to decide what to watch. We’ve all got our favorite actors and directors and genres, but sometimes we need a change of pace, a taste of something new. Well, if you’re looking for a movie that goes in a million different directions all at once, none of them being very interesting, and many of them never resolving themselves, have I got a suggestion for you. If you’re ready for half-naked young girls being brutalized (there’s an original concept), bad acting, a poorly thought out premise with a poorly executed twist, and even more bad acting, you should check out Breeding Farm.

Okay, so that’s not a very enticing introduction, but believe it or not it only gets worse from here. I’m not even sure how to explain the story of this movie. There is an underground business dealing in the trafficking of young women. They kidnap them and auction them off over the internet (?), or at least that’s how it seems at first…and no, that’s not the twist. They also keep the girls in captivity and impregnate them, but I’m not sure why, as that would seem counterproductive. Except that the only girls we see sold are purchased by a cannibal couple, which then makes it confusing why they only kidnap young girls; Do young girls taste better than boys? Do other “customers” bid on the girls for purposes other than cannibalism? And why are they making them have babies? So many questions, so little time spent on the premise. And we’re just getting started.

Rachel (Sara May) is having a birthday party at her house thrown by her dad, Jim, played by director and co-writer Cody Knotts (see also Pro-Wrestlers vs. Zombies and Lucifer’s Unholy Desire…or don’t). The ridiculous accent he chose to use is really bad, but unfortunately, that’s the least of his character’s problems. Anyway, Rachel is mad because her father invited the most annoying kid in the world, the mysterious Joe, Jr (overplayed by co-writer Matthew Deering), who is the physical personification of the voiceover of Bob from Fulci’s The House by the Cemetery (the fact that his IMDb page says his performance here is “a study in daring acting” is a whole other story). Apparently Rachel gets bored, so her dad suggests she leave her own party that he threw for her, and go have fun, so she and Joe, Jr, as well as her friends Julie (Eileen Andrews) and Sarah (Amber Renee) go out looking for a different party, but instead get kidnapped by a big bald dude known as “the farmer” (played loudly by Richard John Walters). From here on out, stupidity ensues. The girls are yelled at, insulted the same way over and over, stripped, beaten, raped, and forced to act as farm animals.

Yeah, the acting is Breeding Farm is pretty bad, extremely bad in the case of the male characters – I mean, they are constantly talking, whereas the girls are mostly bound and gagged and just crying and screaming a bunch, so it’s easy to call out their ineptitude. But the real bummer is the writing. The story starts with a simple concept, but then goes everywhere else except to a logical conclusion. This isn’t necessarily an enjoyment killer, but add in the horribly written dialogue, and this one becomes pretty unbearable. There are so many poorly written lines, it’s hard to narrow down one or two to show just how bad it is; from the misplaced clichés (a cop says, “Not on my watch,” after another cop tells him women have gone missing – sorry dude, it’s already happened on your watch) to repeated lines, delivered in one form or another so many times, you can’t help but wonder if the dialogue is ad-libbed, which at that point is the director’s fault, not the writer’s…oops, same person. But I think my favorite is when the “farmer” character is screaming at the kidnapped girls, and he says that they probably think they’re dreaming, that this is all a nightmare, then reveals, “You are in a nightmare, you’re in my f*cking nightmare,” which makes no sense at all; why does he have nightmares that he kidnaps young girls? Wouldn’t that be their nightmare? Whatever.

I love horror movies. I love independent, low budget horror movies. I love supporting indie/underground filmmakers. But every great once in a while, I run into a movie that I just can’t think of much good to say about. Breeding Farm is, unfortunately, one of those rare instances. The acting is bad, the dialogue is horrific, some of the characters don’t even make sense (Who the hell is Joe, Jr, and why is he so important? Why does the dad get so deeply angry at a pillow fight between his daughter and Julie, and why are the girls even having a pillow fight in the first place? What’s the deal with the reporter [played by Angelina Leigh] in a scene that doesn’t seem to even belong in this movie? And what police department hires a dude with a teardrop tattoo on his face?

Either he’s been in prison, has murdered someone, or is a huge poser!), the story, much like this sentence, loses its way before the midway point, and there’s not even a little bit of originality here. Not to mention, they throw in a twist – which isn’t even that much of a twist anyway when we consider a specific scene near the beginning consisting of a conversation between Joe, Jr. and Jim – but not till during the closing credits. Breeding Farm is not good, and even looking at it through the eyes of an immature nerd, there is not a single scene of boobs that doesn’t also feature violence toward the woman whose boobs are being ogled. Sorry, but I’d recommend this film only to those who have literally already seen every other horror movie in existence.

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